Azaphaer

 It's been quite some time since I've dreamt. Sleepless nights, stressful days, and the business of life most likely being at fault. Insomnia is nothing new to me, and something I don't think will ever truly go away, but I am thankful for the nights it gives me a break. Perhaps it only does because I become so tired that it's impossible to stay awake. My days are constant with things to do, rise at 6am and drop into bed at nearly 12am. This sleep schedule probably doesn't help. 

Last night sleep did at last embrace me in its warm coziness of comfort. I closed my eyes and drifted into oblivion, only to open them again in the netherspace that dreams take place. I found myself acutely aware of that I was dreaming, which is something I hadn't felt in a long time. Upon this realization I almost immediately shifted into my dragonself and took flight. Flying is the one thing I always tend to do when I am lucid dreaming, it never gets old. The only downfall is when my being awakens back in bed, back in my human vessel, and I no longer can propel myself into the air. It creates the cruelest side effect, no matter how great the reward is to be able to feel this in a dream, it hurts when reality hits. 

 

-Azaphaer 

Being Dragon
A state of mind. A state of being.



What is being dragon? How do you explain it to those who don’t understand or merely don’t want to? The short answer is really well, there isn’t one; you don’t have to. Being dragon isn’t something I can put into words, phrases, or pictures; its not something to be made understandable for those who are not also dragon. There is only our experience, what it means to the individual, and what that also means to other dragons. In the end, all that really matters is what you make of it.

What I am and what I feel is real. It is a state of mind that I live with everyday. Its what and who I am. Only I can know my real self and no one else. There is no one that can tell me or anyone else who they are. In my own mind is a place no one else can see, the same for everyone else. The face people see hides this, the inner self, the one true part of everyone’s being that is locked safely away.

Being dragon is not about acceptance of this. Not from anyone else but yourself. Its about embracing what you are and what you feel wholesomely on a deep personal level with yourself. That is what makes one dragon, the overall knowing and feeling that you come to a conclusion to alone. No amount of validation from others will confirm that for you, because after all, its you. Your doubts, your inner voice, those are the things no one else can hear or see. Only you can make sense of them, only you can know what being dragon is to you.

Through mundane life we wear a facade. We live the life here as a regular human on the outside, however that does not change what we are on the inside. The feeling within is all the same; whether we are at work, the grocery store, or at home, being dragon does not simply cease. There is no on or off switch. You are dragon or you are not.

Being dragon is a state of mind. It is feeling your powerful wings at your back, begging to reach out for the sky, yearning to feel the wind beat beneath them. It is your breath, hot and dangerous, caught in your throat, unable to burst free. It is the feeling of your scales writhing, flexing along your muscles as you move with prowess. Yet all that is under your human skin, unseen and unattainable. Being dragon is heartrenching, distraughtful, and unbearable. To be dragon is not glorious or desireable, and its not something you ask for. Its knowing that on that on the outside, you are tasked with being human.

There is no freedom or sense of liberation from feeling we are a dragon. Being dragon is to be a pretender, to wear a mask and learn to act in human skin. It is to live in a box and paint the face we show the world each day upon it. For being dragon is a state of mind, not a showcase, or a display; its intimate. It exists within the mind, which is something no one can see or take from you. Its the you that only you have access to.

Being dragon is knowing what you are, no matter who you are on the outside. You could be a teacher, a student, a banker, or anyone. The truth is, you wouldn’t know a dragon if you saw one. We blend in, we make ourselves at home in this human life the best we can. The reality is, being dragon is about being human. This life here and now, you are dragon, but also human too.

Living the life we are here, we are dragons navigating a human body in a human world. We dream and we wonder why we are this way, or whether we will ever be fully dragon. In another life, another world or so on. We’re all different in many aspects, but being dragon as a whole is the same in a lot of ways for us.

Being dragon is a state of mind and a state of being, nothing more, and nothing less. Beyond that is only what you make of it yourself.